i dunno wad to feel anymore.
i dun wanna noe wad i feel anymore.
ironic.as usual.

there's american idol tonight.i have a strong hunch it's gonna be a great show.
Gloria Estefan week.salsa.latin.good luck John Stevens.
hm.his song choice wasnt all that bad tho.Music Of My Heart.
nice song.originally sung by Gloria together with NSync.
and Diana Degarmo's singing Turn The Beat Around.
Carmen did it last season.not too bad i hope.im quite a fan of Diana's.
she sang the hell outta One Voice last week.16 yet she has such a big voice.
pretty amazing.i'll applaud for those who managed to sing their songs with ease.Hello.it's Gloria Estefan.who the hell can sing like she can?
Gloria's dad was a bodyguard for the Cuban Prime Minister who had to flee cos of the Fidel Castro crap.dun ask me what's it.i dun really know.
and she nearly couldn't walk after some accident or something.but she picked herself up and scored a huge no of no 1 hits after that.

Sir Elton John,Barry Manilow and now Gloria Estefan.wonder how much they're paid to guest judge and say a few wise words.
Rumour has it that they're tryin to get Sir Paul McCartney and e legend Stevie Wonder.the way Stevie works the piano is totally mind-blowing.
He's blind and he can play the piano as well as Elton John.gosh.
Nobody would even know he's blind behind his pair of sunglasses.i think its sunglasses.no idea.
Last season's AI had a guest judge every week.but they were not as high profiled as this season's,altho they're legends too.
Lamont Dozier.Verdine White.Gladys Knight.Smokey Robinson.Robin Gibb.Lionel Richie.Diane Warren.Olivia Newton John.Neil Sedaka.damn cool.
Clay's "Solitaire" is just awesome.that 16 sec glory note was really breathtaking.literally.wonder when's his next appearance on AI3.
anticipating it.i might just go into withdrawal if there's no Clay.
time to watch his videos all over again. -and solitaireeeeee-

ok enough about AI.cant seem to get enough of it.results show tml.
ousted jennifer hudson last wk.heard there was some weather affecting the phone lines and therefore affected the votes.life jus isnt fair.you win some you lose some.jennifer's gonna be huge someday i assure u.

life's pretty much the same around the house.deadly silence.
and sometimes the occasional tellin-off.

went clarke quay during the weekend.watched EPL during dinner.cool.
great atmosphere.night scene was quite happening.

[Don't let your head rule your heart...
-Don't let your world be torn apart...
-Don't keep it all to yourself...
-Just let all your emotions run free with someone like me...
-That's the way it should be...
-Someone like me...]

jus woke up.blardy headache.
found out even more things today.
actually i think we're more disappointed than fumed.
he's actually disgusted.and all this while he put on a facade.
well.maybe it was cos i asked him every question except "are u disgusted with me".how nice rite.maybe i should just ask him that straightaway and see whether his facade is still stuck there.

and come to think of it.sorry for being irritating.was so not nice of me to ask you a question over and over again.wait.didnt you even ask something too?
funny.memory's failing me =(

and really.if EVERYONE thinks its childish.so be it.
yx:we're alone.
oh nono.we cant say that.being alone = wallowin in self-pity aint it lil girl?
at least we moved on and are tryin to make a difference.
what abt u? u shameless ass.
hung up for so long and yet u're sayin we're the ones who r hung up.
look who's talkin.oh sorry.you cant look into a mirror.it'll crack and shatter into a million pieces straightaway.

and rite.to that guy who somehow made that really "complimenting" passing comment.i fully understand why.
i didn't even talk to you or even said "hi" and there you are.addin fuel to the fire.im warnin u.this is one hell of a fire.go light that powder keg somewhere else.not here.not anywhere near me.and most importantly.not on me.
its enuf to noe dat he's disgusted with me but hearin that extra comment made me mad.dont be judgmental.im savin my vulgarities cos it wont get through that thick head of yours.

i'm stil intent and yet hesitant in exposing all of ur dirty lil secrets.
i know both sides of the story.and for ur info,its not just from one person.
"despo" does that word ring a bell? nah.u forgot that's what you said abt me. and u should be thankful i only found out now.i'll decide when i'll be an ultimate bitch again and bring up other stuff.dont u noe i absolutely love bitching. =)

yx: i give up.total waste of my energy.

jus got back.frm drownin my sorrows.wallowin in self-pity.wow.
im totally outrageous.outrageously stupid i must add.

k girl.straight to e damn point.
sorry for being whatever you think we were.and i guess we still are in ur eyes.
sorry for being despotic.[wow is there even such a word? u haf a cool vocab i must add]
sorry for playin a childish game.
sorry for being insensitive to your feelings.
sorry for the continuous lyin.and coverin up.[as if explainin was any good]
and sorry for being immature little brats.
sorry for stooping low to this extent.hm.isn not listenin to an explanation one stoop lower?
sorry for making u angry.
sorry for tryin to make u even believe our intentions were good.
sorry for jus tryin to make ur day a happy one.
sorry for all the surprises.
sorry that it had to turn out this way.
well.ppl.jus sorry.really sorry.

we just started off on a really happy note.it really wasnt a plan to humiliate or play with u.
in e end.we are e ones who get humiliated.right.down.to.our.ass.
we really jus wanted ur day to start off bright n cheery.it was jus great to see both of u happy.
like wad yx said.yea.guess we shud haf just gone straight up to ya and get an outright rejection. thats so much nicer i guess.*weee*

we really had reasons to cover up.different reasons for different ppl.obviously.
both of us knew that once they knew it was us it wuld be a totally different outcome.
even jus seeing them share it was enough..at least they're happy.
wait.why am i blabberin on and on abt this? cos they wont even bother.at.all.
like whu gifs a fuck wad me n yx think? tell me whu really gifs a fuck.
and.ppl dont cry for no reason.and the last reason is for sympathy.cant even believe you thought that way.

if u really did this to make us upset.you did it.i applaud you.job well done.cos we blardy hell are.

if anyone wanna see e unedited post jus tell me.im happy to share it.
i said i wouldnt mention it in this post and i'll stick to my word.
i wont ever stoop to that level.

-all i can do is...try...-

im just demeaning myself i guess.how nice.

wad a week.
disappointment.overwhelmed.me.
it brought me to e brink of frustration and led me to haf countless days of sleepless nights.
found out a lot of things this week.
feel like im caught in the middle of an argument between 2 of my frens.
sigh.my head's gonna burst.im serious.
anderson b girls rock.i mean.totally.
2nd in nationals.how pro is that mans.
they beat rgs on wed.and lost to scgs today.quite a close fight.

ok.american.idol.is.officially.on.my.-to.screw-.list.
i'm dead serious.what the hell is america thinkin?
is it some racist joke or somethin.cos it if is it really isnt funny.the rest of us noes that.
when george was told to go to e top group,it was as tho Ryan Seacrest was testin him as to which group he wil go to.
he was beckoned by the 3 divas to their group.and he stood alongside them.smilin n happy.
and when ryan said "george,i told you to go to the top group"
there was a dead silence echoing throughout the whole auditorium.and then a slight murmuring was audible.ppl were VISIBLY shocked.and i really mean VISIBLY.
jaws dropped.simon's tongue was "on e floor" and well.tv viewers at home had e urge to switch off their TVs.
then Ryan said that Diana's group was the top group.reality struck us.everyone.that Latoya Fantasia and Jennifer were the bottom 3.and they WERE THE ONES WHO WERE TRYIN TO CLIMB OUT OF E PILE OF PRAISES THAT WAS HEAPED UPON THEM.
Latoya was the one who was e best vocally.Jennifer improved greatly.raised her own bar.and even garnered good words from well simon's caustic tongue.and Fantasia had all along been a frontrunner.beside the fact that she was in a middle group few weeks back.it's Fantasia dammit.
Latoya really reminded me of the shock when Tamyra was "tamyra-ed" Tamyra was always said to be the best performer AND vocalist.much ahead of the other finalists.
both of them had the same kind of praises.and look where it landed Latoya.bottom 3.
barely scraping tru.and Simon even mentioned to Jennifer that this is becoming "American Diva" cos she sang so well she was givin Latoya n Fantasia a run for their money.
and ALL 3 of them were in the bottom 3.not just one.or 2.ALL OF THEM.ALL 3 DIVAS.
Diana sang One Voice but i couldn't help but compare to when Kelly Clarkson sang it during the finale last yr.sigh.e 3 youngsters all in the same group.are their schools HUGE or what?
John Stevens and Jasmine sang "Mandy" and "I'll never love this way again" respectively.
i seriously seriously in all seriousness think that JPL fans bcame John Stevens Fans.
I can imagine a John Steven-Jasmine finale.that'll be a "HUGE" credit to Fox's American Idol.
and lookin at how William Hung bcame successful.i'm not surprised.
so maybe next week they're gonna kick Latoya or Fantasia out.or maybe their fans will buck up and buy automatic or speed diallers.which i'm sure many John Steven fans have done already.
sigh.what's happening to American Idol? will they be proud of their winner this time like how they're proud of Ruben Kelly and Clay?
last week JPL and John and Diana were in bottom 3.Diana is good.she doesn deserve to be led the way back home so early.George has a crazy fan base.which has kept him in altho he had 2 "off" weeks.but look where "off" weeks haf gotten Tamyra.she was kicked off at the only week she had a mediocre performance.and that was when Nikki sang her heart out.practice doesn pay off i guess.
this is so unpredictable.i can still rmb the disappointment on John Diana and Jasmine's faces when they were in the same group.they thought they were doomed.really.and when ryan announced they were the highest vote-getters they were shocked.really really stumped.Jennifer jus kept smiling.truout everything.kept her cool.she's used to being in the bottom i guess.
even when the "safe" ppl headed back to the couch they hung down their heads.they knew they had a big chance of being in the bottom 3.they looked sad while they looked on as Latoya Fantasia n Jennifer received their predicaments.who can even bear to see them in the bottom 3..much less being kicked out? sigh.sigh.sigh.
the votes for Diana n John really increased after their near-death miss last week.well.i guess that's the only explanation.sigh.what a shocker.i really haf yet to recover.didnt expect Jennifer's exit to be THIS early.ok..enough abt AI 3.
i stil am in love wif clay!~ his "the way" video is so cool.so romantic!

anyway.i absolutely hate it when i'm accused of doing something i didn't.except homework.
accusations with no grounds.i cant believe it.

tough week.so much to listen to.yet hard to comprehend.
cant expect me to like go "yea" with every sentence.
and that's my gd fren you're talkin abt.
sigh. i jus went "i have no comments" at every sentence.

well movin on to happier stuff.
diane warren really rules.she wrote so many hits.uncountable.
i was realli in awe.shes so talented lo.
she wrote expose's "i'll never get over you gettin over me"
and "too lost in you" by sugababes. addictive songs.

sigh.afta e unexpected and well.bad.incident with yh i jus realised.how.much.i.stil.like.him.-lots-.

been sick these days.coughin like crazy.each time i cough is so bad i actually haf e urge to puke.
didnt go to the doctor's cos i felt it was a waste of money.but apparently i wasted like dunno how much at the pharmacist for my medication.and bought like dunno how many packets of lozenges.lol.
helped a bit i must say.

"i'll never get over you getting over me" really sad and emotional song.
brilliant song.touchin lyrics and a very soothing tune.
heartbreakin.

continue gazin frm afar.wonderin where u are.
guess i'm happy at that.woosxz =)

[...i knew that i oughta find sumone new...
....but all i find is myself always thinkin of u...]

-when u have to look away...
-when u dun haf much to sae...
-that's when i love you..
-i love you just that way...

-to hear u stumble when u speak...
-or see u walk wif 2 left feet...
-dats when i luv u...
-i luv u endlessly...

-and when ure mad cos u lost a game...
-forget i'm waitin in e rain...
-baby i love you...
-i love you...anyway...

-cos here's my promise made tonight...
-u can count on me for life...
-cos thats when i love you...
-and nothin u do could change my mind...

-the more i learn the more i love...
-the more my heart cant get enough...
-that's when i love you...
-when i love you...no matter wad...

-so when u turn to hide ur eyes..
-cos e movie made u cry...
-that's when i love you..
-i love you...a lil more each time..

-and when you cant quite match ur clothes...
-or when u luff at ur own jokes..
-thats when i love you..
-i love you more than u noe...

-and when u forget dat we had a date...
-or dat look dat u gif when u show up late...
-baby i luv u...
-i luv u anyway...

wow.been ages since i last updated.
"loosenin-up week"
guess im pretty much e same.nothin big actually happened or anything.
take things in my stride.
was a crazy day yesterday.really crazy.luffed non-stop.
and i really mean non-stop.ppl thought we were lunatics or sumthing.
met yx opposite sch.and i saw yuwen b4 dat.and yuwen saw him like 2 mins b4 she saw me.our paths din cross.ohwells.
ate fries.again.when am i gonna stop torturin myself.and my poor throat.coughin like nuts.really.cough even in my sleep.sigh.
but the food is really too tempting. -_^
headed to bugis.and listened to clay along the way! totally rawks.
his voice..really.pure.as how gladys knight put it las yr when he did an unbelievable rendition of "somewhere out there".cool.clay.rawks.muh.world.
"solitaire" sold like more than a 100,000 copies within its first wk.cool.
"this is the night" did much better.and was the top-sellin single of 2003.
well.u win some u lose some.
ok.stop digressin. bugis is really.quite.a colourful.place.
a lot of girly stuff.and really cute things.gave us ideas for lame jokes.omg.
cant believe we actually managed to get to that extent of lameness.awesome.
pathetic and lonesome 2 souls.us.sigh.
-slap- stop wallowin in self-pity girl.-slap-
wore this spaghetti strapped esprit dress which apparently made yuwen quite horny. *heh*
hm.then sat at a bus stop.it was drizzling.and we started tokin dirty.hahas.
and well.we were like sittin on the floor.tokin.and suddenly i saw him.
i.seriously.almost.fainted.
in al seriousness.he was e last person i expected to see.it was really.more shockin than when tamyra was "tamyra-ed"
i mean like.everyone was tall.and suddenly i saw him.i was like.speechless.
both of us were.totally.utterly.shocked.
haha.when u wanna see him he doesn appear.but he pops up out of nowhere when u least expect it.
well.i went nuts.absolutely.nuts.lol.so much for my complainin that very afternoon. ahhas.
in a sneezing fit right now.gosh.what am i down with.
hope the comin week is gonna be as enjoyable.i really hope so.=)

[...nothing lasts forever though we want it to...
....the road ahead holds different dreams for me and you...]

i swear.tamyra gray.has.e.greatest.vocals.ever.
i mean it mans.
she can carry off any tune as hers.you name it.
in "Boston Public" she sang I Will Always Love You.
it gave me chills man.she's technically perfect.
and in AI.she sang A House Is Not A Home.
God, it is the BEST EVER tamyra performance.now i understand why it's no 1 in Simon Cowell's book under Best AI performances.
She only had a week to get the song ready.and there she was.beaming.performin.as tho she owned it.
at that moment she really did.it made me so emotional.
she made us,the listeners, feel what she's feelin.we felt her heartbreak.
her expressions were superb.she brought us into e matrix of e song.feel it.
no wonder Simon Cowell said it was hard to get that performance out of his mind.it was too good.
...how e hell did she end up 4th.sigh.i hafta sae Nikki's performances of "Mary Jane" & "I'm the only one" in the top 4 wk were very gd.sigh.
the tamyra effect.viewers automatically thought she was a front-runner and didn't need her help in gettin votes.so.there you go.
simon cowell,pls pay her to re-enter.and she'll thrash the hell outta everyone else.
she can bring "fantastic" Fantasia down anytime,anyhow, and anywhere.maybe even in a zoo.cool.
i'm officially a tamyra fan.album gonna come out soon.and it's gonna BE HUGE i tell ya.

woo.clamyra=)

.sigh.i miss my old blog.altho i tried my very best to make this as similar.i cant.
all my posts gone.sigh.had to delete it.
.new life.new blog.lol.nonsensical.
deletin it means deletin all my posts.and for these past few wks..my posts have a been a source of entertainment for myself.bringing myself back to that place while readin.so much gd and bad memories.
im kinda sad.yet glad.sigh.now i'm desperately tryin to recall the nice stuff.
luckily some are stil stored in my otherwise stagnant brain.
the rantin abt my family.the gushin abt clay.e silent dreaminess abt him.
my nz trip and that cute paraglidin instructor.my vulgarities.
wow,girl take a breather.
dat sure was a mouthful.
realised why ppl lock up their blogs.for a reason.either personal or jus a general one.like.whu e hell wanna noe wad goes on in my solitary life.so they lock it.
sigh.blogspot.i haf no idea how to lock it.wad a pity.
gawsh.wonder how i even managed to bring myself to click the "Delete Blog" thing.and yea.within 5 secs.a bit too late to regret.kinda.
ah.whu ask me go write so much family stuff.guess it all boils down to me.
haha.i rmb the particularly memorable outings.like j8.and tony roma's.
tony roma's is difficult to forget cos it's realli recent.like last wk.
caught a movie at 12am.Into the Mirror.really caused me to have some fear of mirrors.not as though i wanted it la.
there was a mass black out yesterday.i highly suspect half of jurong to haf blacked out last night.
and jus when i was watchin Holland V.sigh.my light flickered for a moment.and then within the next 5 mins.it went off.the whole house was pitch black.
luckily my hp had a torchlight function.used it and managed to grope my way into my room.arh. no candles.the opp stretch of blocks was in darkness too.saw many tiny candles being lighted up opp my blk.cool.some guy had a huge torch.damn strong.could shine like 3 blks away.lol.i think it culd haf lighted up his entire block.
my frens experienced it too.lol.bukit timah and cck blacked out too.lol.unexpected.
but i nearly screamed when it happened.omg.if i was alone at home.i cant imagine wad wuld happen.i'll jus faint or sumthing. and it was terribly hot and stuffy. sigh.but my first experience.
.anyway.i keep foldin and foldin and foldin.haha.silly lil me.

-*...once upon a time i was fallin in luv...*-
-*...but now i'm only fallin apart...*-
-*...there's nothin i can do...*-
-*...a total eclipse of the heart...*-
-*...once upon a time there was light in my life...*-
-*...but now there's only love in the dark...*-
-*...nothin i can sae...*-
-*...a total eclipse of the heart...*-